Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
