Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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