i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
