would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
