Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
