Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
