It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
