the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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