took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
