Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
