yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
