420 ftw
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
