Plan B is the new Plan A
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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