dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
