One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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