I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
