His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just gargled with NyQuil
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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