I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
