I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
