The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
