Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just cropdusted the office
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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