I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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