I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
