Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
