wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
