Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
