It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No subtext here. People are naked.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
