you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
