I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
