you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
