we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
