Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
