i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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