idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
