Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
