You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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