Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
