pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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