So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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