so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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