I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
