I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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