Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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