I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I intend to get homeless drunk
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
