when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
