I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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