I just saw a hot homeless man
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
