dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
