Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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