I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
