RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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