She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
