If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
