I'm gonna have a badass scar
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
