I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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