i think my tv is drunk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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