dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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