he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
