we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
