Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
