My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
