we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
