I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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