Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
