yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
