I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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