WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
As shirtless as possible
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
