girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are we still banned from the library?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
