youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
