OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
