playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
