could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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