I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
