I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
