How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
