don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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